How I Dealt with my Parents Finding Out I am Gay


Derrick shares with us his journey to coming out, some unexpected surprises and scares. 

“I didn't actually come up to my family like they found pictures of me and my boyfriend. And it was not. There was no room for me to deny because it was a picture of us kissing."

When did you realise it?

It wasn't really like a moment of truth like when I really found out like Oh my god. It was more of a process that led up to me truly accepting myself. So like I already knew from since young that I was different from the rest. Like I didn't really have a particular interest in girls like to look at guys more than girls. Like you when on a train or in school, guys are the ones that we catch my attention. So like leading up to secondary school when my vocabulary ability got expanded so that's when I knew oh, there's a term for. 

Who was the first person you came out to? 

Yeah. So like the first person that actually came out to was my ex-girlfriend in JC and the idea behind it was so I can tell her It wasn't her fault. There was no part on her that she was lacking or was not enough. But I was really trying to tell her it's really not a fit for me because I like guys. I'm sorry I couldn't give you like what you need and what you really really deserve. 

What were some of your concerns before coming out?

So it was always a nagging feeling inside me that, you know, like I couldn't form very genuine relationships with people because like it, there's always this nagging thought inside my head. One day, this will not last when I like this will not last one day when I actually come up to them. I didn't actually come up to my family like they found pictures of me and my boyfriend. And it was not. There was no room for me to deny because it was a picture of us kissing. So it wasn't something that I could deny anymore so I had to be honest to them yeah yeah definitely as parents you especially in an Asian household where they have a more conservative mindset definitely they weren't accepting of it. Furthermore, I'm their only son so naturally, they will want me to start a family and continue the family name like the 传宗接代 yeah like basically male descendants duty so I think they're very disappointed and they couldn't accept it when they found out that I was only interested in guys but I think gradually they came to terms not say they accepted it but they understood that this is who I am,  it's something that can‘t be changed.

How are you now?

I think I'm in a much better place now. My friends know and there were none that were particularly put off by me coming up to them. Generally, the response was good. Like, they accepted it.  I was expecting to be more dramatic and all that. Oh my God, when you find out like how can you know? Like some drama with me and some friends will start falling out but there were none.  It was actually very mellow. But even the question you asked me what very unexpected questions I didn’t expect myself to be answering if I were to come up to them. 

What were the questions?

Okay, so naturally. I don't know why but when I came out to them. A lot of the first question they asked is so are you the top or bottom. That’s what most people asked the first time when I came out to them and I was like so that's what you want to know. Hey, I just came up to you it took me so much courage for me to come out to you and then that's the first question you ask me about. Okay, okay. At least you are not offended or put off by it. So it is a win I’ll take. 

Once you really come out, that’s when everything really starts getting better.

For me it got better. 

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